I Feel So Unnecessary

It starts with losing interest in activities I once enjoyed. Then the crying at inconvenient moments comes on. That's fun. Then the irrability kicks in. That's fun too. It affects my work and my life. Stress and depression. One leads to the other. Makes life, um, interesting. I've struggled with it for a long time. I quit living because of it. Quit school. Quit work. I didn't like doing it but in my opinion if you can't handle something and it starts to affect the people around you- it's time to step back and get some help. ( Sorry for the run-on sentence, I'm bad for that.) Annnnyway... I do have a point. For the two people who know and have read my book I've been a caregiver for a long time. Since my 20s. Parents, Grandparents, The Husband- yes, that's his name. It's an honor and a privilege. I like doing it, I'm glad I can. I've learned a lot, grown in many ways. It can also be a bitch. Sorry. But it can. The hospitalizations, t...

Genre: Non-fiction/Caregiving 41 pages Published on amazon January 8, 2015 Synopsis: A short book on my caregiving experiences with my sassy grandmother. It contains funny things she said, rants, and my thoughts on caregiving. I've also included some caregiving resources at the end. You can buy it for $2.99 here If you do purchase it, please leave a review. I appreciate it. Lisa

As I've written before my husband had a light heart attack a few months ago and for a while I watched him breathe constantly when he was asleep. I still do it at times but it's settled down a lot. But a few nights ago we were in bed and I noticed he was cold and not moving and I couldn't hear him breathe, so I poked him... " Did you feel me poking you early this morning?", I asked the Husband.  " No, why'd you poke me?" " I couldn't hear you breathing and you were cold, so I poked you to make sure you were alive.", I said. " Was I? Did I move?" " Yes, you were breathing but the first time I poked you, you didn't move so I poked you again." " You know what to do from reading all those mystery novels, don't you?"  " Yes." " Maybe I'm a zombie." " Maybe you are."

 Did you know that slips and falls account for over 20,000 deaths per year? And injuries from falls are the most common source of emergency room visits? Since my mother and husband have medical conditions that make them unstable on their feet and I am about as graceful as a bull in a china shop; I decided to take Handi- Ramp up on their offer to review their Handi-Treads in exchange for an honest review.   They sent me metal treads and the screws to install them with. We decided to install them on the ramp leading up to the front door because even in good weather it's slicker than goose... well you get the idea. My Dad explaining the process They were easy to quick and easy to install- it only took about 20 minutes to get them down.  They have raised buttons on them for better traction. When walking on them they felt like they were gripping the bottom of my shoe. They're made out of durable material so they'll last a long time. My husband loves them, he ...

 Benefits of Staying Positive  Why Staying Positive Matters  Researchers have come out with countless studies showing that staying positive is good not only for wellbeing but for physical and mental health. The reason they think that the positive thinkers fair better in the long run is because they are better equipped to deal with stress and stressful situations. The positive thinkers recover much faster from stress and in general have no long term effects associated. Stress is very dangerous and can lead to many ailments. These can include fatigue, headaches, weight gain, inflammation, and insomnia just to name a few. Staying positive is one of the main keys to eliminating the harmful and long lasting effects day-to-day stress. Focus on the Positive There are many situations where individuals get stressed but the most stressful events are those that have the ability to permanently affect and/or alter our lives. A situation such as losing a job or ...

My Mother had an appointment at a neurologist's office yesterday. She hadn't been there in four years but her migraines got worse so she went back. This time she saw a nurse practitioner she'd never seen before. The FNP seemed nice enough even though she seemed hurried. She asked questions about Mom's medical history and at times asked another question before Mom could get the first one answered. I had to keep chanting to myself " Don't say anything. Don't say anything." I understand that medical practitioners are busy and pressed for time. However, not allowing enough time to get a clear picture of your patient can be detrimental. How can you treat someone properly if you're too rushed to listen? Or too rushed to do a procedure properly? She ended up giving Mom an Occipital nerve block to help with her migraines- I watched her do it. She didn't appear to have a light touch and didn't numb the area like Mom's dr. did whe...

Chemo-Therapist: How Cancer Cured A Marriage By: Mary Potter Kenyon Genre: Memoir/Caregiving 224 pages Publisher: Familius , 2014 I received a complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review. When Mary's husband of 27 years is diagnosed with cancer it puts an added strain on an already troubled marriage. But after visiting her husband post surgery she finds herself falling in love with him again. A horrible disease ended up making their marriage stronger. I found this to be a brutally honest memoir that was poignant and uplifting. It also provided useful information on caregiving and explaining a loved one's sickness to young children. I recommend it. About the author:  Mary Potter Kenyon graduated from the University of Northern Iowa with a B.A. in Psychology. She writes a weekly coupon column for the Dubuque Telegraph Herald newspaper and is the Director of the Winthrop Public Library. Mary is widely published in magazines, newspapers, and anthologi...

No Saints Around Here: A Caregiver's Days By: Susan Allen Toth 256 pages Genre: Memoir/Essays/Caregiving Publisher: University of Minnesota Press, 2014 In this book Toth writes in short essays that chronicle the last 18 months of her husband James's life- who suffered from  Parkinson's Disease. An honest, poignant, and darkly funny book. Susan Allen Toth's collection of essays about her caregiving days are not just a must read for caregivers; they're a must read for all readers.      Here's some book links: Goodreads / Amazon / B&N / University of Minnesota Press About the author: Susan Allen Toth  has written for the  New York Times , the  Washington Post ,  Harper's , and  Vogue , among other publications. Her many books include  Blooming ,  Ivy Days ,  My Love Affair with England ,  England As You Like It , and  Leaning into the Wind: A Memoir of Midwest Weather  (Minnesota, 2006). A...

A home, love, and support. Responsibility. He taught and gave us many things. Because he was my Grandfather. Except he wasn’t. He married my Grandmother when my mother was nine. Then when we came along he helped take care of us–with food, with stability. I don’t know what we would have done without him and my grandmother at times. Some of the best traits I have I learned from him. So when the time came when he needed help we gave it. Family doesn’t necessarily have to be biological. He was more family to me than some of my blood relatives. I loved him and he loved me; even though we never said it. Because he was my Grandfather.

In. Out. In. Out- goes the rise and fall of my husband's chest. Ever since his heart attack in February I've watching him breathe when he goes to sleep. Okay. Watching him breathe more. He's had health problems for a while and for several years I've watched him as he sleeps. He sometimes wakes up and sees me staring at him. I'm sure it's not disconcerting whatsoever for him. This was also a habit I had with my grandparents. Especially my grandmother. But her heart would actually stop for a few seconds before she got her pacemaker.   Fun times for everyone. I  also usually ask the husband several times during the day if he's ok or if his chest is hurting. I have slacked off, though, instead of asking 20 times a day I now ask 15 times a day. I'm sure that doesn't bug him at all. It's just various family members have had several major health problems recently. Heart attack, three surgeries within six months for my mother, my grandfa...

Since the middle of February I’ve spent most of my time with a loved one in the hospital or going on doctor appointments.  Because of this I have also spent more time running errands. Usually I take all this in stride. My family is quirky. It usually doesn’t bother me. I handle crises most of the time fairly well. Now, I’m not saying I don’t snap at loved ones at times or have mini-breakdowns. I do.  And I feel like a jerk when that happens. I’m a Christian. Usually I’m more private with my faith but I believe that in being one it helps me cope. Gives me peace. Holds my tongue ( A LOT). But lately with all the various health issues family has been having I’ve gotten away from focusing on Christ. My temper is shorter. I have no filter on my mouth. I’m stressed and tired. I need a break. When I do a favor for someone and sit down I usually am asked to do something again. ( GIVE ME A BREAK! JUST GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES!) I yell in my head. I have been delegating m...

My grandfather was released from the hospital yesterday after being in there a week for pneumonia and congestive heart failure. He got very good care, everyone was nice. However, when told he was very active and independent even though he's 91 I think they had a hard time believing it. I think healthcare professionals underestimate older people at times. But just because you're elderly doesn't mean your memory is bad or you can't be independent. He does need help in some areas, but in a lot of them he leaves me in the dust. And I'm in my 30s. Pitiful. Before he was discharged physical and respiratory therapists walked him to see how well he could do and how his oxygen level was. Here's what occured: Therapist:" Okay Mr. Carroll, we're going to walk down the hall and see how you do." As they got to the end of the hall the therapist, said: " Hold on. We need to stop and see how your oxygen is." He stopped for half a second so they ...

Over the past couple of months various family members have been hospitalized. My husband for a light heart attack, hip replacement surgery for my mother, and now my grandfather is in the hospital with pneumonia and congestive heart failure. Here are some highlights from his stay in the hospital: My grandfather was sitting in a recliner in the hospital when all of a sudden he jumped up and headed to the bed. " AAAH!AAAH! What are you doing?", I asked. " Trying to get back to bed." He was quicker than me and got back on the bed before I could make a move. He sprawled across the bed and got tangled up in his wires.  Jesus help me. I hollered for the nurse to help me. She remarked: " Boy, he's a spunky little thing." " Yes he is. He's a lot quicker than me."   I don't know whether to be impressed or ashamed. Meanwhile, my Mother is still recovering from hip replacement surgery and my Dad has been staying with her while th...

My Mom saw her GP today. She's been having migraines more often. As she was summarizing what she was ordering for me she turned to me and said, " And you, you need to make her an eye doctor appointment." Okay, that set my teeth on edge. This is the second time that she's ordered me to do something concerning my mother. The first time I kept my mouth shut. This time I didn't. As my Mom was going to check out, I got the doctor's attention and said this: " Doctor, I don't mean to be rude- but don't tell me what to do." "Huh?" " Don't ever tell me what to do again." You understand?" "Yes." I believe technically she's a good doctor but she's acts unprofessional at times and is a little mouthy. She's badmouthed doctors and complained about things in front of us that she should keep to herself. She's also from a different country and maybe doesn't realize she's being off...

" Lisa, I can't find my teeth. I put 'em on the table last night. I found the top ones but can't find the bottom ones " , my grandfather said. So, my husband and I did our best Nancy and Ned impression and started looking for the missing lowers. We looked in the living room. Not there. We looked beside his table.  Not there. " Maybe they're in your chair" , I said. "No, I looked." After looking under, over, and below items, and in different rooms they were still missing. " Maybe a rat got 'em." Maybe one did. Maybe it needed a set of lowers. Rats gotta eat, too. He decided to check his chair once more. Ned Nickerson and my grandfather found them; they were rattling around in his chair. Maybe the rat gave 'em back.

My late grandmother got sick in 2003. My Mother and Grandfather lived with her and so were her main caregivers. I also helped with her to take some of the load off them. For a while I worked until she kept having recurrent health problems and had to go in the hospital one time after another. At Christmas 2003 she had to be transferred to a hospital an hour away.  I needed to be more available to stay with her so I called my supervisor and told her I needed to take some time off to be with my family. Her response: " You'll have to get a doctor's excuse." " I have to get a doctor's excuse for my grandmother being sick?" " Yes." " She's in the hospital. I don't know when she's getting out." So I quit. We decided to try and get personal care. She didn't want strangers coming in so it was decided I would take the PCA classes and be her aide. I needed a job and she needed the help. So I became her aide, even though...

Recently The Husband got a letter from a government agency explaining he would lose part of his benefits if he didn't call them and correct the address. Okayyy, we thought that was a little strange because he had been getting correspondence from that agency at our new address for over a year. So, he called them. After waiting for 275 hours he finally got through. Husband: Hello. I got a letter telling me I would lose some of my money... CSA: Yes. It says we need your correct address. Husband: I've been getting correspondence from your agency for over a year at my new address. CSA: The system says we need your new address. Husband: I have a letter in my hand from your agency with the correct address on it. CSA: Yes but...let me transfer you. He got the person's answering machine and left a message. The next day Lo and Behold the agency called back. My husband was informed that it was a different system and it needed the new address. " But it's the same age...

Today I took my Dad to the store. He bought some Dove Dark Chocolate that he likes so well. Here's his response to it: " Mmm, Mmm. I'm glad I got some of this chocolate candy. I was punying away." " You sure are talking a lot to be so puny.", I responded. " Hush. I was using that...what's that thing they use on Star Wars? Omen?" " The Force." " Yeah. I was using the Force like Oji Ben Kaknobby, Yoder, Sky Lukewalker, and Princess Lay Me Down." " Dear Lord in Heaven. Help Me." " What' s that thing called that growled all the time?" " Chewbacca." " Yeah. I bet Chewbaccer had a tick on his ass. That's why he growled so much. Who was that with him?" " Han Solo." " Han Soho?" " Yes. It was Han Soho."  

It's been slightly over two weeks since my husband got home from the hospital after suffering a light heart attack. Last night I asked him: " How are you doing" Is your chest bothering you?" He responded with: " My chest has always bothered me. It looks like a hairless Mexican Chihuahua." " Oh my gosh. Nevermind."

My husband had a doctor appointment yesterday; and while in the exam room waiting the husband was looking over the wall of brochures and advertisements for ridiculously high priced medications. As he was perusing them he asked me : " Zetia, isn't that some kind of pasta dish?" " Uh no. I believe that would be ziti." " Tell me what you like to eati. I myself prefer some ziti." " Good grief."