I Feel So Unnecessary

A home, love, and support. Responsibility. He taught and gave us many things. Because he was my Grandfather. Except he wasn’t. He married my Grandmother when my mother was nine. Then when we came along he helped take care of us–with food, with stability. I don’t know what we would have done without him and my grandmother at times. Some of the best traits I have I learned from him. So when the time came when he needed help we gave it. Family doesn’t necessarily have to be biological. He was more family to me than some of my blood relatives. I loved him and he loved me; even though we never said it. Because he was my Grandfather.

My grandfather likes smelly stuff. A LOT. Here is my reaction to it. " Mom. Please do not give Bobo anymore smelly stuff. He uses too much. He puts it ALL OVER." " I'm sorry. I didn't know he'd do that." " Really? He has so much on I can taste it. I had to open the windows to air the house out. It smells like the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas up there."

Yesterday my grandfather had a consult for cataract surgery.  Here's what went on: Tech 1: She asked questions to clarify what was on the forms we filled out. " I took 12 shots in my eyes", my grandfather said. " You did ?", she asked. " Yeah." " I walk a 1/10th of a mile every day." " That's good." Wish I did that." We then went in another room: Tech 2: " Man I just ate lunch, and right now I feel fat as a cow. You ever feel that way after you eat?", the tech asked. "Yep.", said my grandfather." (I didn't say anything, cause, well I didn't really know what to say after that question.) " Now, I'm going to do a test.  Do my hands smell like onions? I washed 'em but I don't know if that helped." " I took 12 shots in my eyes."  " Really?" " Yeah." After that we sat in the waiting room again and he started exercising his legs....

As I was making another doctor's appointment for my grandfather yesterday I told the receptionist,   "He'd like to see the new doctor next time if possible." "No problem," she said, "but may I ask why he wants to switch because she's going to ask me." "He prefers male doctors.", I said. ( I get it, I prefer to see female nurse practitioners. Gee I come from a sexist family.) " I understand, it's his choice if he wants to change." However, that was only part of the reason ny grandfather wanted to switch doctors. He does prefer male doctors but there were other factors. And though I believe in speaking my mind, I also wanted to be tactful. (My family has opinions on my tactfulness but they're WRONG.) Here are the other reasons: She would make coffee nervous. I leave appointments with my grandfather feeling as if I drank several shots of espresso and I'm not even her patient. She doesn't give the p...

So today we took my grandfather to the doctor and when we were done he wanted to go eat- at a buffet of course. And even though I was tempted I did not fill up my plate with carbs as usual. Instead of two different kinds of potatoes I only got one. WOO HOO! Yay me! I also refrained from putting salt on my food. All in all I've been following my NP's orders pretty well. I've only slipped up once...no twice...wait maybe three times. I haven't lost any weight yet but it hasn't been long since she restricted me from having any fun. But I might *gulp* have to start exercising. Ick.

"Lisa," my grandfather said to me when I got to his house, "I need you to get me some Pepto Bismol, the white kind." "Pepto bismol is pink," I said. "No it's white, they have it at the Dollar Store." "You mean milk of magnesia?" "Is it white and it works ye?," he said. "Yes." "Well, get me some, I want it for bumps. I put some on a bump before and it took it off." "Okaaay." Yes, my grandfather is the Appalachian version of the dad from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", but instead of using Windex to cure everything he uses Milk of Magnesia. Constipated? milk of magnesia. Got bumps? Put a little milk of magnesia on 'em. Fever blister? milk of magnesia. Warts? milk of magnesia. That's right- Milk of Magnesia: It loosens your bowels and cures your acne!