I Feel So Unnecessary

It starts with losing interest in activities I once enjoyed. Then the crying at inconvenient moments comes on. That's fun. Then the irrability kicks in. That's fun too. It affects my work and my life. Stress and depression. One leads to the other. Makes life, um, interesting. I've struggled with it for a long time. I quit living because of it. Quit school. Quit work. I didn't like doing it but in my opinion if you can't handle something and it starts to affect the people around you- it's time to step back and get some help. ( Sorry for the run-on sentence, I'm bad for that.) Annnnyway... I do have a point. For the two people who know and have read my book I've been a caregiver for a long time. Since my 20s. Parents, Grandparents, The Husband- yes, that's his name. It's an honor and a privilege. I like doing it, I'm glad I can. I've learned a lot, grown in many ways. It can also be a bitch. Sorry. But it can. The hospitalizations, t...

Since the middle of February I’ve spent most of my time with a loved one in the hospital or going on doctor appointments.  Because of this I have also spent more time running errands. Usually I take all this in stride. My family is quirky. It usually doesn’t bother me. I handle crises most of the time fairly well. Now, I’m not saying I don’t snap at loved ones at times or have mini-breakdowns. I do.  And I feel like a jerk when that happens. I’m a Christian. Usually I’m more private with my faith but I believe that in being one it helps me cope. Gives me peace. Holds my tongue ( A LOT). But lately with all the various health issues family has been having I’ve gotten away from focusing on Christ. My temper is shorter. I have no filter on my mouth. I’m stressed and tired. I need a break. When I do a favor for someone and sit down I usually am asked to do something again. ( GIVE ME A BREAK! JUST GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES!) I yell in my head. I have been delegating m...

Sometimes I get a little stressed out, because of this I sometimes feel the need to cut my hair. A few days ago I did just that. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have considering I ended up looking like a prison escapee. Because of my hair cutting escapades my husband threatens to hide the scissors. I'm tempted to tell him to do so but just as soon as he does I'll need them for something and can't find them. I'll then get pissed and start yelling at him, "Where's the freakin' scissors?" We don't want that, now do we? Anyway, because I went all "Britney Spears" on my head my mom had to even out my hair. She kept cutting and cutting and cutting... until it was finally all even. Now I'm sporting a pixie cut ( and no I'm not going to post pictures of it to enhance the post because...just well, NO). On someone like Audrey Hepburn a pixie cut looks good, on a tall chubby girl- not so much.