I Feel So Unnecessary

Grandfather: Wanna walk? Cille: You wanna hush? Grandfather: Yeah. Cille: Well, do it then.

Earlier I wrote a post reviewing "Angel Evolution" by David Estes. This is the first book in the Evolution trilogy. Well, I'm pleased to announce David is giving away 200, yes 200!, e-book copies. It's a book I enjoyed very much. All you have to do to enter is: 1. Like David's facebook page- http://www.facebook.com/pages/David-Estes/130852990343920 or... 2. Follow his blog- http://davidestesbooks.blogspot.com/ or... 3. Follow him on twitter- https://twitter.com/#%21/davidestesbooks  To get your free e-book copy you can e-mail David at: davidestes100@yahoo.com.au (and tell him Lisa from I feel so unnecessary sent ya!) The giveaway will be open until December 13, 2011. Good luck! Lisa

1st book in the evolution series Angel Evolution by David Estes( e-book format) Published: Oct. 10, 2011 Young adult fantasy "Angel Evolution" is the first book in the Evolution trilogy. It centers on Taylor and Gabriel- Taylor is the only one who notices Gabriel's glow. She is both intrigued and scared of him. While Taylor is trying to find answers she finds herself in the middle of an ages old conflict. I like young adult books and I like fantasy so this was a winning combination. I enjoyed Taylor's quest to find out more about Gabriel and about herself. It wasn't an overlong story, it was a quick, enjoyable read. I look forward to reading the other two books in the trilogy.  4 out of 5 stars. book 2 in the series Disclosure- received a complimentary copy from the author. book 3 in the series You can find David at: http://davidestesbooks.blogspot.com/ http://www.facebook.com/pages/David-Estes/130852990343920 and https://twitter.com/#%21...

Cille- Lisa, I want you to get me some hair coloring. This ol' gray looks awful. Me- I think it looks good. I like gray hair. Cille- Not on me it doesn't. Me- Scott has gray hair, should he dye his? Cille- Men with gray hair look sophisticated.Women don't- they look like old hags.

We've been watching episodes of "News Radio" on Netflix. Tonight Dear Husband asked me this question: "When did Phil Hartman die?" Me: "I think it wasn't long after the show ended, and he didn't die. His wife killed him." (Have I mentioned I'm a blonde and was having one of those moments) DH: "So you mean being killed doesn't involve dying? So... if you killed me I wouldn't die right?" Me: "Uh, no."

As I was getting Cille ready to go riding one day my grandfather Bobo said this to her: "It's cold, you don't need to get out." Me: "She can't stay in the house all the time." Cille: "If I stay in the house all the time I'm just gonna dry up."

Cille has a history of bowel blockages so imagine the concern we felt when she's not been having bm's. After consulting with the doctor and her getting some, um, extra help, she went a few days ago. But she started having trouble again. So, we've been plying her with extra fiber and prune juice. Today we also had her up walking more. Lo and behold the deed happened. I don't think I've ever been this excited over poo before. She was less excited, however. My response was, "Woo hoo, you made a poopie!" Her response- "I made a something."

Waitress: What do you want on your grilled cheese sandwich? Dad: Cheese. Mom:Where are you going to get Scott's house shoes- Norton? Me: I guess I could. Dad: Yeah, you could go to Lowe's and see if they have any. Me: I don't think they sell house shoes at Lowe's, Dad. Dad: Oh, I bet they do. Then later... Lisa, watch that idiot swerving in front of you. He's probably talking on his cell phone and googling or taking pictures of his crackberry. Or he could be tweeting on his pee pod. You know now they got this pod thing the size of a clipboard and you can read magazines on it? Why can't people just buy a freakin' magazine instead of carrying those things around?

As I was getting into the car Scott suddenly started screaming in a high pitched voice, "Aaaah, my eyes I got Pepsi in my eyes, they've been pepsified, I'm blinded by the Pepsi!" He then wiped them and said, "Oh, no I blew my nose on this rag, now my eyes have been pepsi/boogerfied!" If anyone was wondering- yes it is fun living with a 12 year old in a 50-something yr. old body. Loads and loads of fun.

As I was in my grandmother's kitchen the other day I heard my dad put my little niece up to calling me this- "Say hey Aunt Pookie." Baby Niece: "Hey Aunt Poopie." Yes, family members call me Pookie and yes, it is such an  appropriate nickname for a 30-something yr. old.

I like the song "Moves like Jagger" by Maroon Five. Borrowing from "American Bandstand", it's got a good beat and you can dance to it. Unfortunately right now an appropriate song title for me would be "Moves Like a Geriatric." When the weather changes, my body betrays me...or maybe I betrayed my body.Huh, maybe I should have listened to the doctors when they were practically screaming "DON'T DO THAT!"See, I have degenerative disk disease...which isn't really a disease but is just my disks in my back wore out a lot earlier than they should have. And because of having the attitude of "I don't need no stinking help" I herniated some disks and have sciatica. Fun, fun. So whenever the weather turns cooler, my joints and muscles stiffen up and I walk as if I have a stick up my bum. Of course, if someone remembered to take her neurtonin and glucosamine, in addition to doing her stretchy exercises she'd feel a lot better. ...

Scott and Dad was talking about me as if I wasn't in the room earlier: Dad- She ain't listening to me. Hey, I said turn the music up. Me- If you'd quit talking you'd be able to hear it. Scott- She's focused, she's talking to her cyber friends. Dad- Talking to her slobber friends? Me- Yeah Dad, slobber friends. Scott- No cyber, for a shy person she sure is social online. Me- That's because I don't like looking at people.

Mother comes to our door a minute ago with a bunch of kids, she asks her adolescent daughter if she wants candy.Leaning against our bannister, she replies "No" coolly. I ask her if she likes tootsie rolls, she replies "YEAH!" and takes the bag from me. I know how she feels-tootsie rolls revert me back to a little kid, too.

"Lisa," my grandfather said to me when I got to his house, "I need you to get me some Pepto Bismol, the white kind." "Pepto bismol is pink," I said. "No it's white, they have it at the Dollar Store." "You mean milk of magnesia?" "Is it white and it works ye?," he said. "Yes." "Well, get me some, I want it for bumps. I put some on a bump before and it took it off." "Okaaay." Yes, my grandfather is the Appalachian version of the dad from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", but instead of using Windex to cure everything he uses Milk of Magnesia. Constipated? milk of magnesia. Got bumps? Put a little milk of magnesia on 'em. Fever blister? milk of magnesia. Warts? milk of magnesia. That's right- Milk of Magnesia: It loosens your bowels and cures your acne!

"Look at what I drew on the treat bags," I said to the husband. "It's folk art." "It looks like a dick with two eyes.", he said. I exclaimed, "It does not! They're ghosts." "Yeah, okaaay... Happy Halloweenie!", he said. Great, now the trick-or-treaters' parents are going to think I'm some kind of perv. They're not going to let their kids come to the house anymore. I can hear them now, "Don't go to that house on the left, that's the lady who draws the penis eyes." Happy Halloweenie everyone!!!

Me- How old am I gonna be on my birthday? Cille- I don't know. 36? Me- No. Cille- 37? Me- Yep. Cille- You're getting old too, then.

We took Cille to a craft fair yesterday. She hadn't been to one in a long time and always enjoyed going. At first she said she didn't want me to have to push her around but I told her I didn't mind and when she saw a booth she wanted to look at to let me know. It didn't take her long to get into it and we ended up going to nearly every booth. At one booth she saw a bracelet she liked, she said "Now who can I get this for? Oh, I know it's my birthstone so I'll get it for myself." At another booth she saw a painting she liked and when told the price said, "I don't have enough money with me to get it." "Yes, you do.", I said. "Lisssa", she said under her breath, "NO, I don't." I forgot to play a long with her. Whoops. She also didn't mind telling the merchants her opinion. She saw an ink pen for $35 and proclaimed, "Ooh, that's too stiff." As we were leaving I asked if she had fun and she...

"Hey Lisa, you remember that ride at Silver Dollar City that looked like a big ol' rock and you went inside it and it was like a cave?" Me- "Kinda." "Well, when I win the lottery I'm gonna build a house and it's gonna be like that, a big ol ' rock cave and what was the name of that place where the Flintstones lived?" Scott- "Bedrock." Dad- "Well, mine's going to be named Dirt Clot." And... on my chicken philly steak I was in the middle of eating- "That looks like something the cat threw up." Me- "Thanks, Dad."

(To my grandfather) Will you hurry up and get on to the store with Lisa? Sh*t fire, I want to get out of here. Later on- Mom- You were asking earlier where so and so wanted to be buried. Where do you want to be buried? Cille- I don't give a sh*t.