I Feel So Unnecessary

It's been a year. A year since the depression and panic attacks I've had off and on since I was a teenager  came back. And boy, did they come back with a vengeance. "Hey Lisa, did ya miss us?" "Uh. No." My life can be stressful at times, trying to work and trying to help family members. Usually I handle it pretty well. But a perfect storm of BAD STUFF kept happening- a car accident, job loss, an unexpected death of a close friend. The night my husband and I found out our friend had passed away is the night I had my first panic attack in about 10 years. I had instances where panic attacks would want to bubble up but I was able to control them. Not this time. They were making up for being kept down so long. It actually wasn't panic attacks, it was more of a continuous onslaught. Then the depression set in. Yay! My husband, whom I help care for took care of me. I clung to him. He took me for car rides because they'd temporarily calm me down. He...

Ashes by Steven Manchester Book Details Genre: Fiction Published by: The Story Plant Publication Date: February 21st 2017 Number of Pages: 260 Purchase Links:     Amazon : https://www.amazon.com/Ashes-Steven-Manchester/dp/1611882427 Barnes & Noble : http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/ashes-steven-manchester/1124072813?ean=9781611882421 Goodreads : https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30775537-ashes  Synopsis: Middle-aged brothers Jason and Tom Prendergast thought they were completely done with each other. Perceived betrayal had burned the bridge between them, tossing them into the icy river of estrangement. But life – and death – has a robust sense of irony, and when they learn that their cruel father has died and made his final request that they travel together across the country to spread his ashes, they have no choice but to spend a long, long car trip in each other's company. It's either that or lose out on the contents of the envelope he's left...

(Image courtesy of michaeljfox.org)  My  husband has dystonia. I usually describe it as being similiar to Parkinson's Disease. He has trouble moving and on a rainy, yucky day like today his movements get even slower. Luckier, I was here and was able to pop some pills in him.  We have our own way of communicating. He grunts. Usually he gets his message across but for some reason today my mind and body didn't want to work. "Can you move?", I asked. " Rye wront  know." "Do you need a pill?" He manages to shrug his shoulders. "I'm giving you a pill." "Uh." "Do you have water?" "Uh." "What?" "Uhhhh." "Sorry. I don't understand grunts." He doesn't. I get him some. I give him one pill. I go to give him more and in a sequence of tongue clicks, eye blinks, and lots of uhhhs- he gets the message conveyed.  It takes just a few minutes for him to start moving a...

My husband had a doctor's appointment a few days ago and afterwards I asked him if he wanted to go anywhere else. He wasn't sure and then I reminded him that a new hardware store was open. "Ooh. Let's go there", he exclaimed. "Ok." Cause, ya know, tools are da bomb. So my first impression was that it was shiny and that most of the things in there I had no clue what they were. But the husband was happy. "What's this?", I asked. "It's a wrench." "Oh. I just liked it cause it's the color of The Hulk." Then he started explaining some thingabobby to me: "Yeah. I don't really know what you're saying but that's ok. I'm tired. I think I'm gonna sit down." "Can you sit in it or is it on display?" "Uh. I'm gonna sit in it. I'll tell em I'm trying it out." "Oh. It has a tray." "Ooh. An armrest." "I think that's to set dr...

My Darling Dorothy By Jo Burden Historical Romance 398 pages The bundle of old letters, carefully tied with a blue ribbon, that Jo Virden discovered among some dusty boxes in her mother’s basement held a mystery: Who were the young soldiers whose letters her mother had saved all these years, and what happened to them? Based on these very letters from the era, My Darling Dorothy  is a timeless love story that transcends both hard times and the brutal impact of war. The tumult of the Great Depression and World War II provides the background for a novel about three young people; Tommie, Jack and Dorothy and their challenges, struggles, defeats and triumphs. Tommie struggles to survive the Bataan Death March in the fall of 1941, clinging to his dream of a gratifying future with Dorothy as his bride. On the frontlines of the European Theatre, Jack experiences the horrors of endless battle. Dorothy, caught between the two, works to maintain her dream of a life beyond ...

A little over four years ago my grandmother passed away. My husband and I then moved in with my grandfather. My mother lived in an apartment downstairs. In addition to my mother and grandfather I also helped take care of my grandmother for nine years. Others started having health problems so I started helping them as well. Moving in with family members has its' advantages: it helped us save money, my grandfather had someone with him, we got to spend more time with family, etc. Now, it also has its' drawbacks: we get to spend more time with family, old issues arise, lack of privacy, it's harder to find an escape when a loved one starts to drive you crazy... But overall, living in a multi-generational household is rewarding ( most of the time). If someone gets sick you're there so you don't have to worry about rushing to your relative in time of need. You make the most of being around them before their gone. Also it helps people with their expenses when they'r...

Obama's Odyssey: The 2008 Race for the White House  By: Connie Corcoran Wilson Publisher:Quad City Press (September 3, 2015) Category: U.S. Federal Government, 21st Century, Politics ISBN-13: 978-0692527382 ASIN: B015AOH9DQ Tour Date: April/May Available in: Print and ebook, 282 Pages Obama's Odyssey: The 2008 Race for the White House is a reporter's-eye view of events unfolding in 2007 and 2008 as Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Joe Biden, Christopher Dodd, Bill Richardson (et al.) jockeyed for position for the Democratic nomination for president, while John McCain, Rick Santorum, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney and others attempted to wrest control of the Republican nomination for their party. All ran for President in a wide-open free-for-all following the end of George W. Bush's 8 years in office. Author Connie (Corcoran) Wilson, a veteran reporter for five newspapers and numerous blogs, followed the candidates from the Iowa caucuses all the way th...

As far as politics go I tend to be slightly left of center. Though I am conservative in some ways. My cat, Sabrina, however, tends to lean more towards the right. Yes. My cat is a Republican. While I believe in providing aid to those less fortunate my cat thinks they need to pull themselves up by their pawstraps. She wants Caticare and Caticaid to be cut. She believes that kitty stamps should be restricted to buy Meow Mix and not luxuries like catnip. If a cat can afford caticures and cattoos then they shouldn't be on public assistance. I've tried to explain to her that kitty stamps cover very little and don't get a cat through the month but she just turns her head and goes back to reading Ayn Rand. I'll keep trying to sway her but she can be one stubborn kitty. But I'm for sure getting rid of the Donald Trump poster.

Tall Tail (Mrs. Murphy #25) To be published May 2016 Genre: Mystery 352 pages I received a complimentary copy from netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Still a little too preachy but kept my interest. I enjoyed the historical aspect of it. I do wish she'd bring back some of the older characters. Overall I enjoyed it. 😀😀😀 Lisa

It starts with losing interest in activities I once enjoyed. Then the crying at inconvenient moments comes on. That's fun. Then the irrability kicks in. That's fun too. It affects my work and my life. Stress and depression. One leads to the other. Makes life, um, interesting. I've struggled with it for a long time. I quit living because of it. Quit school. Quit work. I didn't like doing it but in my opinion if you can't handle something and it starts to affect the people around you- it's time to step back and get some help. ( Sorry for the run-on sentence, I'm bad for that.) Annnnyway... I do have a point. For the two people who know and have read my book I've been a caregiver for a long time. Since my 20s. Parents, Grandparents, The Husband- yes, that's his name. It's an honor and a privilege. I like doing it, I'm glad I can. I've learned a lot, grown in many ways. It can also be a bitch. Sorry. But it can. The hospitalizations, t...

Wilderness Rising: A Church Builder Novel By: A.L. Shields Genre: Christian/ Thriller Publisher: Zondervan, 2015 352 pages Beth Barclay is on the run from The Wilderness- a powerful cabal bent on ruining Christianity. They murdered her best friend, framed her, and kidnapped a teenager she was protecting. To get the girl back Beth must find the Pilate Stone, a relic from the federal century that might not even exist. But she's not the only one searching for it. Will she find it, save her friend, and defeat the Wilderness? A thrilling adventure with fully realized characters that keeps you on the edge of your seat. So, I'm giving it... 3 stars LISA

Genre: Non-fiction/Memoir 208 pages Publisher: University of Minnesota Press, 2015 In this moving memoir Bruce Kramer writes of his life after being diagnosed with ALS. He decided to live life even though he was facing death. Cathy Wurzer's was facing her own struggles as her father was descending into dementia. Together, they teamed up to write this amusing, uplifting, and wholly gratifying memoir. I recommend it. 4 stars ( Author photos courtesy of Michael Ekern, University of St. Thomas and MPR News) Three signed copies of the book are being given away. To enter just leave your name and e-mail in the comments. Lisa

The Turkish Connection By Rik Stone Genre: Thriller 298 pages It's 1951 and Mehmet has lost both of his parents. He lives on.the streets of Istanbul forced to be a thief. He thinks his father abandoned him but yrs. later finds out the truth. Will he be able to turn his life around or is it too late? I found Mehmet to be a sympathetic character and wished the best for him. The book kept me interested and it flowed well. It was a thrilling read. 3 teacups About the author: Rick Stone worked in a ship yard, spent time in the merchant navy, and worked in the quarries of Southeast England. He then gained a degree in mathematics and computing. After retiring became a writer with the publication of his first novel Birth of an Assassin. Website Rik-stone.com Facebook https://m.facebook.com/pages/Rik-Stone/602289653148840 Lisa

Bathsheba Bathed in Grace: How 8 Scandalous Women Changed the World By: Carol Cook Genre: Christian 227 pages Publisher: West Bow Press, 2012 Adultery, lies, deception, scandal, murder, cover-up, heartache, pain, and loss—stories with these sordid elements are relevant today. And women with shady pasts—labeled, shamed, and linked with tragedies—are part of our heritage. Bathsheba, a victim or temptress, Eve outside of Eden, Tamar posed as a prostitute, Leah stole her sister Rachel’s fiancé…Sarah gave Hagar to her husband and Rebekah masterminded a grave deception. How well do you really know the women of the Bible? An interesting read about the women of the Bible who possessed questionable morals. It provides a new perspective on their actions. I found it to be a fascinating read. 3 stars * I was provided a complimentary copy from the publisher via BookLook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review. Get it: Amazon Lisa

205 pages Published: February 2015 Genre:Mystery Don Juan Casanova is pushing 40. He's had many lovers but never settled down. His grandfather and brother are murdered and he's the main suspect. He sets out to find the killer and hopefully find true love along the way. I found this to be a clever twist based on an age old tale. While it was graphic at times I still found it to be an interesting read. 3 stars

My Dad has been trouble swallowing lately and his doctor explained to him that sometimes as people age their esophagus tightens. She sent him to a surgeon for a consult. We got there and a procedure was scheduled.  As Dad was checking out of the doctor's office- (To the receptionist) Thanks. They were nice back there. Receptionist: They're good people. Dad ( to the other receptionist): You look like you're about to cry. Recept.: I'm serious. I'm trying to concentrate. Dad: I had that once but I took some Ex-lax. Me: Oh. My. Gosh. You're an idiot. Later: Dad: I really think it's my abullah koali hanging down in the back of my throat that's in the way. Me: Help me Jesus. Dad: What's this procedure I'm having? E.G.D? G.E.D? M.O.U.S.E ? Me: Yes Dad, it's called a mouse.

Breaker's Reef Cape Refuge # 4 By: Teri Blackstock Genre: Christian Suspense 336 pages Publisher: Zondervan Buy it: Zondervan Amazon A Cape Refuge teenager is dead . . . Then another body is found . . . Will Sadie Caruso be the next to die? When a famous mystery writer moves to Cape Refuge, ex-con Sheila Caruso-mother to Sadie and Caleb-is thrilled to get a job working for him. But when a teenage girl is found murdered, Sheila discovers that a scene in one of the eccentric writer's novels matches the crime scene. Exactly. Then a second dead girl is discovered by Police Chief Cade and Blair Owens. And when this murder mirrors a scene in another of the writer's books, Cade is drawn into a web of trickery and deceit. Shockingly, evidence turns up in Cade's truck-evidence that points to Cade himself as the number one suspect! Cade tries to clear his name, but when eighteen-year-old Sadie Caruso disappears, tensions mount to a fever ...

"[Women served by Thistle Farms] would be dead by now if it weren't for a remarkable initiative by the Rev. Becca Stevens to help women escape trafficking and prostitution." —Nicholas Kristof, The New York Times New Book by Famed Women’s Advocate Exposes “Fair Trade” as a Myth, and Offers Justice to Women Survivors Becca Stevens is a White House Champion of Change, and founder of Magdalene and Thistle Farms, two of the nation’s leading social enterprises for women. Now she shares how their latest initiative—a café that employs women recovering from prostitution and addiction—is fueling a worldwide movement to bring fair wages to women in her new book, The Way of Tea and Justice: Rescuing the World’s Favorite Beverage from Its Violent History (Jericho Books/Hachette Book Group, $22.00 hardcover, November 4, 2014). Stevens opened the Thistle Stop Café in Nashville, Tennessee in 2013 to empower women survivors. But when she discovered a connection b...

Gone in a Heartbeat: A Physician's Search for True Healing by Neil Spector My rating: 4 of 5 stars Dr. Neil Spector, one of the nation's top oncologists, led a charmed life. He was educated at prestigious universities, trained at top medical centers, and had married the woman of his dreams. It seemed too perfect. And it was. In 1994, it all came crashing down. He and his wife lost two unborn children. And a mysterious illness brought him to the brink of death. In his compelling memoir, "Gone in a Heartbeat," Dr. Spector describes in great detail how he was misdiagnosed and, despite being a medical insider, was often discounted by his fellow physicians. As he recounts his own unorthodox approach to medicine and physician/patient relationships, Dr. Spector encourages readers to never surrender their power to a third party. He tells of courageous patients who served as role models, he conceded that doctors do a disservice to patients when "we tre...

Dumped: Women Unfriending Women by Nina Gaby My rating: 4 of 5 stars I received a complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review. A series of essays on women being dumped by their female friends. Many of the stories had me going " I know how she feels!" All of them were good even though I felt a couple didn't really belong but I still enjoyed those as well. This is a must read for women. View all my reviews Genre: Essays Publisher: She Writes Press, March 2015 212 pages