I Keep Trying

It starts with losing interest in activities I once enjoyed. Then the crying at inconvenient moments comes on. That's fun. Then the irrability kicks in. That's fun too. It affects my work and my life.

Stress and depression. One leads to the other. Makes life, um, interesting. I've struggled with it for a long time. I quit living because of it. Quit school. Quit work. I didn't like doing it but in my opinion if you can't handle something and it starts to affect the people around you- it's time to step back and get some help. ( Sorry for the run-on sentence, I'm bad for that.)

Annnnyway... I do have a point. For the two people who know and have read my book I've been a caregiver for a long time. Since my 20s. Parents, Grandparents, The Husband- yes, that's his name.
It's an honor and a privilege. I like doing it, I'm glad I can. I've learned a lot, grown in many ways.

It can also be a bitch. Sorry. But it can. The hospitalizations, the various health problems, navigating the medical field where medical professionals are incompetent, lazy. or both. Navigating the insurance field where the, uh, insurance people are incompetent, lazy, or both. Quitting work because you can't handle both. Going back to work because you're so far under the poverty line you can't even see it. Feeling guilty for going back to work. Wondering if you can handle both and PLEASE God, don't let me snap and kill someone.

Fun thoughts floating around, ain't they?

I usually handle it well, I'm meaner and tougher than I look. Wait... no I'm not. But for someone prone to depression- one who at times has mini-breakdowns- it's important to take care of yourself.

Right now I'm fighting it. I don't want to get depressed again. Sleeping all the time sounds like fun but it really ain't. So here's what I do:

1. Take Paxil.
2. Keep faith.
3. Take Paxil.
4. Take time for yourself- go to the movies, go out to eat, talk to friends.
5. Take Paxil.
6. Stay healthy- eat right, exercise. Don't go overboard on the freakin' Doritos. ( But it's so much cheesy goodness!)

If you can't function, you can't help others. So keep trying, keep fighting, and everything will work out.

That's what I do. 

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