I Feel So Unnecessary

As I've written before my husband had a light heart attack a few months ago and for a while I watched him breathe constantly when he was asleep. I still do it at times but it's settled down a lot. But a few nights ago we were in bed and I noticed he was cold and not moving and I couldn't hear him breathe, so I poked him... " Did you feel me poking you early this morning?", I asked the Husband.  " No, why'd you poke me?" " I couldn't hear you breathing and you were cold, so I poked you to make sure you were alive.", I said. " Was I? Did I move?" " Yes, you were breathing but the first time I poked you, you didn't move so I poked you again." " You know what to do from reading all those mystery novels, don't you?"  " Yes." " Maybe I'm a zombie." " Maybe you are."

My husband was recently in the hospital for a light heart attack. Here are things that went through my head. Be afraid. Be very afraid. " Please let him be okay. Please let him be okay..." (These were my thoughts during my husband's cardiac catherization. During the cath my chest hurt. When the nurse called to say he was doing ok my chest stopped hurting. ) Cardiologist:" It was a light episode. We'll put you on medicine. We don't know what cause the attack- it could have been pain, a virus, a blood clot..." . There's a possibility you may get to go home today. (Woo Hoo!) Attending: " I want to keep you another night to do tests." (Boo.) " But the EKG and chest x-ray...", I started to ask. Attending: " He had a heart attack." (Okay. Take some ativan. Jerk. I was wanting to clarify because, gee, I'm his wife and wanted to know about his condition but White Rabbit was apparently late for an importan...