I Feel So Unnecessary

Me: "The 4th of July thing starts at 12 or 12:30." Scott: "What day is it on?" Me: "The 4th, you know Independence Day." Scott: "Yes, but what day is that?" Me: "THE...FOURTH." Yes, this was in the same vein as:   Who's on 1st and what is the name of The Band? I did FINALLY give him the correct answer, it just took a while.

Origami snack holder-front view Origami snack holder-inside view I didn't go to my grandmother's today and my husband has stayed in most of the day, too because it's been storming. Instead we have been participating in such fun activities as staring at the computer to see what happens (me) and making origami snack holders out of old sales papers (the husband). Yes we lead exciting lives. Don't you wish you'd thought of this? Think of the fun you missed.

Today we took my grandmother to her family doctor. She had been having trouble seeing all day so while we were waiting for the doctor to come in my mom starting asking her questions to see if her eyesight was doing better. Here's how it went: Mom: "What's the color of the wall?" Cille: "I don't know, I reckon it's yellow." Mom: "That's right. Now what's some of the colors in that picture over there?" Cille: "Blue." Me: "What color is mom?" Cille: "Green."

Today my family went to my niece's 2nd birthday party. All my grandparents were there, my grandfather went, which was a surprise because he doesn't like to leave home. One of my brother's in-laws had never met him. He introduced himself to her and pointed at my grandmother and said, "Over there's my woman." To which my grandmother replied: "Well, where's your wife?" A little while later both my grandmothers were having a conversation. My other grandmother told Cille she remembered her when she was young and thought she was a beautiful woman to which Cille replied: "What's the matter with me now?"

Cille just got out of the hospital yesterday after being in there for 2 days with a COPD flare-up. She had been feeling alright until she had a setback earlier today. My mother called me earlier to tell me my grandmother was having trouble breathing again and was sick at her stomach. Cille also complained of itching. When I got there she was shaking uncontrollably, was red all over, still short-winded, and was still itchy. She had eaten chocolate cake a couple of days before, became red, itchy, and got sick at her stomach. I kindly told my family that should be a clue not to give her anymore chocolate cake. I told her it looked like she was having a panic attack because she is prone to them and both my mother and I have had them before. Woo boy, they're loads of fun to have. A little while after I arrived the itching and redness disappeared because the personal care aide had put some Benadryl cream on her. Mom and I also talked calmly to her and tried to get her to adjust her br...

My grandmother called me earlier and asked why I didn't visit today. I told her I had gastrointestinal problems and had rested all day. She responded back with: "Well, you can shit just as good down here as you can at home."

QUDQWFYSJF33 Nurse (to my grandfather): "You're so sweet and nice, I could take you home with me." Cille: "Take him."

My grandmother had to go to the ER today because she was having trouble breathing. When the doctor came in and told her she needed to stay a day or two for observation, she proclaimed this in front of him: "SHIT! You mean I have to stay? I didn't come up here to stay."

Mom: "Do you need to go to the bathroom while I'm up here?" Cille: "Well no, I reckon I know how to go to the bathroom."

I think it's been established that my grandmother is sassy and likes to use the word "shit" A LOT, "ass" comes in second but she particularly seems to like to say "shit" to get her point across. The following is more conversations featuring her favorite word: Mom: "You kept saying shit in front of the preacher when he visited today. You shouldn't do that." Cille: "Shit." Mom: "He's a preacher, you don't need to say that in front of him." Cille: "Shiiit." Mom: "You need to quit saying that word in front of him." Cille: "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit..." This occurred before she got sick and she was still driving. She would see an old boyfriend of mine out in public and when she got home would mention that fact to me. Except she wouldn't refer to the boy by name- it was always: "I saw old shit today in the grocery store." Or "I passed old ass on the highway...

Dad on churches and technology: " I heard on the news that churches are using the Bible anymore, it's all internet and pee pads." On cell phones: " People don't pay attention when they're driving. They whip out in front of you, flip open their cell phones, start twitting and twattering and playing with their crackberries."

My grandmother has dementia, she's had it for several years. She takes medicine for it and it hasn't gotten worse. She is one of the smartest people I know ( smarter than me) and despite her health problems she is still quick witted. For instance, I take care of my grandparents' bills. My grandfather asked me the sum- well, the conversation went something like this: Grandfather: " Lisa, how much are they?" Me: "Hold on, I'm still figur..." Grandmother: " $193.06" That's right, she had the sum calculated in her head in under a minute, while I was still going "Now, I need to carry the one.."

Mom: " Lisa's here, you were wondering where she was." Cille: " Lord have mercy, I reckon I know it."

Doctor: " I apologize you all had to wait so long." Cille: " That's ok, we've only been waiting two hours."

Cille: Did you do the dishes? Grandfather: Yes. Cille: Did you do the dishes? Grandfather: Yeah. ( She then goes into the kitchen to see if he did do the dishes- he had.) Cille: I'm hungry, fix me something to eat.

Brother: Bye Toots, I love you. Grandmother: I love you, too. (this is where all our mouths drop open in astonishment) Me: Do you love me? Grandmother: You know I do. Now all you leave me alone.

My brother: " I have a list of all that's wrong with me... high blood pressure, back spasms, I have a headache behind my eyes, I have..." Cille: " I can't walk, I can't see..."

Grandfather: " You shouldn't be getting out, it's too hot out and too far to walk to the car." Cille: " It's cooled off and it's not going to hurt me to walk to the car. My gosh, aggravating shit."

Cille: I want to get out, I've been sitting in this house forever. Me: Well, you're going out.You have a doctor's appt. today. Cille: Oh boy, I get to go to the doctor. Why that's the most fun I've had in my whole life.